Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Wierd Word Power #2

CAR SICKNESS:The feeling you get when the car payment is due.

Etc:A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. FATHER:A banker provided by nature.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

SEAMSTRESS: Describes 250 pounds in a size six.

SUBDUED(sub-dood'): Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.

SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official. VEGETARIAN:Old Indian word for bad hunter.

Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young charges, "Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life."From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting, "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda."

Jumbo Shrimp: an oxymoron.

Mouse (n): An animal which strews its path with fainting women. (Ambrose Bierce)

Architect (n): One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. (Ambrose Bierce)

Lighthouse (n): A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician. (Ambrose Bierce)

Weed—a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered. —Ralph Waldo Emmerson

Spring—An experience in immortality.—Henry D. Thoreau

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Wierd Word Power #1

Algorithm: An oxymoron describing Al Gore’s dancing abilities.
Atom: A male feline.
Contour: Inmates speaking to children around the country on how to stay out of jail.
Coolant: A trendy, or chilled insect.
Decrease: The effects caused by ironing.
Geometry: What acorns say when grown up.
Microwaves: Poor surfing conditions.
Moon: A sky light.
Propane: In favour of torture.
Gypsum: To cheat several people.
Beehive: A sting ensemble.
Bovine: A crooked climbing plant.
Carnation: Country full of automobiles.

Eskimo pi—Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter.
Wonton—2000 pounds of Chinese soup.
Microscope—1 millionth of a mouthwash.
Bananosecond—Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement.
Billigram—Weight an evangelist carries with God.
Adolescence—That period when children refuses to believe that someday they’ll be as stupid as their parents.
Semicolon—Half of a large intestine.
Two kilomockingbirds—2000 mockingbirds.
Straight line—Shortest distance between two jokes.
Smile—A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Caucus—Swearing Crow

VUJA DE—The feeling you’ve never been here before.
ACCORDIONATED—Able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
AMBIDEXTROSE—Able to put sugar in coffee with both hands.
ANYTHINGARIAN—A person who changes religions religiously.
BAWLROOM—A hospital nursery.
BULLEMIA—Ability to tell endless tall tales.
BUREAUCAT—Kitty who sleeps on your undies.
CHIRPES—A canarial disease, no tweetment.
DECAFAFLON—The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
FLATULANCE—An emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
JEANEALOGY—Study of Levi’s, Wranglers, and other denims.
Auditorium—IRS office
Bombard—lousy poet
Escape—part of Superman's outfit
Lobster—weak tennis player
Ramification—bad driving
Bachelor—A guy who never finds out how many faults he has.
Bureaucracy—Capital punishment.
Flashlight—A case for holding dead batteries.
Fortune teller—A bank employee who only deal with large accounts.
Hypochondriac—Someone who won't let well enough alone.
Optimist—A person who smells smoke and gets out the marshmallows.
Petroleum—Floor covering for dog and cat owners.
Raisins—The wrath of grapes.
Religion—Where you find prophets and non-profits.
Teenager—One whose hang-ups do not include clothes.
Volunteer—Take on work that makes no cents.